


What the Blind Man Saw

by Alphie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: A New Dawn - John Jackson Miller, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Blind Kanan Jarrus, F/M, Heavy Angst, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Spoilers for finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 12:24:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13927119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alphie/pseuds/Alphie
Summary: They say before your death you see your life flash before your eyes.  Kanan finds out it's true, even for a blind man.





	What the Blind Man Saw

**Author's Note:**

> AN: I haven’t been compelled to write for a long time. The ending of Star Wars: Rebels just sits so heavy on my heart that I couldn’t leave it alone. The realization that the first kiss WE saw between Hera and Kanan was actually their second to last kiss broke my brain. Like so many Kanera shippers, I’ve spent way too much time trying to figure it all out, and this is what I’m left with. I tried to stay as close to canon as was possible. Forgive me if I fudged a little. I didn’t have a beta reader, so I’m flying solo here.

_What the Blind Man Saw_

It was only in his dreams that he could see again. He’d close his eyes and see the world that Maul had taken from him on Malachor. Irony was a bitch.  It was only now, in this moment of doom with the end of his life only moments away that he saw with his eyes open.

He saw her. His dreams were always about her. Now it wasn’t really a dream but rather a memory.  Clear as day.

That day on Gorse, surrounded by seven armed men… and the Twi’lek female no one – not even he – saw coming. Ripping off her cloak, Kanan saw her for the first time. Her beautiful, determined face. Her lithe, slim form. The strength of her presence. The power as she fought. Every Twi’lek female was beautiful and graceful, but this particular female surpassed any he’d ever seen.  He’d fallen in lust right at the very start.  Love wasn’t far behind.

He saw her as the catwalk nearly crushed her form.  The agony of the realization he could lose her just as he was beginning to know her. He couldn’t let it happen, and so he shoved the catwalk up and away from her, not caring who noticed. The astonished look on her face as she realized exactly what he was capable of.

“But… but you’re a…” she stammered.

“Shhhhhh…don’t tell anyone,” he’d asked.   

That smile she offered him as she promised to keep the secret.  That smile.  He remembered thinking he’d die for that smile. And he remembered what it was to kiss that mouth.

Their first kiss came slowly, hesitantly. A question of appropriateness mixed with the need to taste her mouth. Honey and ginger.  And he’d been granted that perfect twist of a smile afterwards. Double the rewards. The second kiss, however, was full of heat and hunger, snapping the cords of tension that had been growing between them for over a year.

“This is dangerous,” she said after pulling his bottom lip between her teeth.

“I know, my lips will be bruised!”

“No, someone could see… or find out.”

He buried his face in the crook of her neck, “So? What’s the problem?”

“The problem is…that I want more.”

He echoed her statement by closing the door behind them, pulling her against him, and driving his tongue deep into her mouth. Their desire for one another spilled out in a frenzy of kisses as they ripped at each other’s clothes.

“We shouldn’t do this,” she’d warned, pulling her top over her head.

“I won’t tell if you won’t,” he’d teased, his trousers falling to the floor.

Her naked flesh pressed against his as they tumbled backwards onto his bunk. The too small bed creaking under the motion of their bodies as she welcomed him inside her. He finally saw for himself just how many markings she had on her body.  He’d always wondered if there were other markings besides those on her lekku. Now he had first hand knowledge – carnal knowledge that she did, indeed, have others. Markings he traced with his hands. Markings he kissed with his mouth. The way she surrounded him with the warmth of her body and the comfort of her very soul terrified him.

For she was right – they shouldn't have done that. He was in love with her. He knew that. And afterwards he’d never be satisfied with anything less than everything. But she was a fighter, and a war was brewing. And regardless of the glory of their passion, he knew he would never truly have her. Even in the various moments of passion through the years that now played out in his mind, she was never truly his. There were no promises made - no admissions of love.

It took the loss of his sight for him to begin to see what he really wanted - to fight for what he wanted. Damn the irony again for making everything so clear when there is nothing to actually see. The stolen moments on the bridge of the Ghost became fewer and further between, first because he pushed her away not wanting her to see the damage done to his eyes and then because of the growing war keeping them apart. There had been a brief kiss here and there, but it wasn’t until their plans to return to Lothal when resistance became impossible.

They argued about it one night until he stopped the argument with a deep and demanding kiss which led to a hushed and hurried frenzy of love-making. His memories now were all sounds and feeling, but they were still clear. It was afterwards in the drugged euphoria of post-coital bliss that he’d dropped the bomb.

“I love you.”

Her silence was deafening.

After several shallow breaths, he whispered, “I can’t see your face, so please, say something.”

“I don’t know what to say,” she replied.

“You could say it back to me.”

His body chilled and she slipped from out of his embrace and sat up. He felt her searching for her clothes. “This isn’t the time, Kanan.”

“When will it be time?” he asked, a little too harshly.

“We’re about to go into battle. We need to stay focused on that.” He felt her stand up, the sound of her gentle footsteps forging the distance between them.

“Has it ever occurred to you that this is a war and time might be running out?”

“Every day. Which is why I gave into you tonight.”

She left his room making her choice clear. Or was it? For every conversation they had after that smacked of regret. Their return to Lothal was shadowed by something more than a war. He dreaded his own prophetic words as he felt the Force compelling him to resolve the loose ends of his life. He’d told her as much just after they arrived. There was a reason for them to be there other than just the obvious.

He never repeated his admission of love, but reminded her of it every chance he had. She danced around the issue with phrases like, “We’ve talked about that,” or the dreaded, “You know how I feel.”

He was ready to call her out on it in the deserted streets of Lothal while they hid from a pair of Stormtroopers. But they were interrupted before they could say more than a few words.

“I wish I could see you.”

“You could always see me.”

That conversation had to wait until they were alone on the Communication’s Tower.  To hell with the irony this time. In his memory he felt her buckle as he told her his truth in a consuming kiss that drove her to her knees.  A pile of blankets left in a supply closet became their bed as he slowly and methodically made love to her. He saw the shape of her beautiful face and the glorious curve of her hip with a brush of his finger tips.  He cupped her perfect breasts and teased her hardened nipples. He felt her hot breath against his skin and she panted in growing desire. He reveled in the way she opened to him, begged for him to fill her. Her scent wrapped around him as did the heat and wetness of her body. The sound of his name being ripped from her throat as she found her release pulled him over the edge with her. And when they were fully spent, she curled against him and lingered in his arms…something she hadn’t done in years. Something he knew now would never happen again.

“This is what I want,” he admitted.  “Forever.”

“I know.”

But she made no promise. The days passed and no promise.  Not even when he pressed her to explain what she wanted when the war was over. Not even when she boldly kissed him in front of the crew before she left on her mission.

When he learned she had been captured by the Empire, he knew that they had reached the end.  He would rescue her, of that he was determined. But they couldn’t keep doing this. The wolves... the Force showed him this was the end...but that it would also be a beginning. He didn’t quite understand, and refused to believe it meant he would lose her. And when he helped her escape… when she finally said the words he’d waited a decade to hear, he actually considered that the Force had lied to him.

But the Force never lies. He knew it was the end as soon as the shots were fired. Without hesitation, he ran forward to stop the blast from consuming the ship – from consuming his family – from consuming Hera. And now, as the fire raged on and spread it’s punishing flames around him, he saw every precious moment of his time with her.

Ten years of memories flooded his mind in the space of ten seconds. Their final moments pounding heavily through his soul with every remaining breath. Her declaration of love still ringing in his ears. The taste of her sweet mouth still lingering on his tongue. The promise of a future that would never be shattering his dying heart.

“KANAN!” she cried out!

He instinctively turned and called on the Force to press her back – away from the danger. His energy now divided, he felt his power being torn in two. Keep the fire in check.  Keep Hera away from it. He couldn’t do both.  He couldn’t stop the fire. The explosion was inevitable. He could guarantee Hara’s safety.  Wasn’t that his mission here, after all? Wasn’t that the purpose of a Jedi?

_There is no emotion, there is peace._

He felt Ezra’s presence behind her. She would be safe with him.  He would protect her. The thought was a comfort.

_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._

She loved him.  He knew that now beyond a shadow of a doubt. And she would play an integral role in wining this war.  The Force showed him that.

_There is no passion, there is serenity._

He’d fought this truth every time he’d made love to Hera. Only now he realized that she kept him centered, and his reverence for her spirit kept him grounded.

 _There is no chaos, there is harmony_.

Their lives had led them from one end of the galaxy to the other, and yet it wasn’t chaotic. They had found a family together. Each person supplying a note in a beautiful chord.

As he felt the final seconds of his life ticking away, the Force flowed through him like never before. He reached out for Hera, willing her to feel his love for her one last time. In return, he felt her love for him.

And he saw her. Her spirit. Her soul. The Force gave him one last gift, for he saw her with perfect sight. More than her physical form, he saw her truth. Her need, her hope, her love. Their life together. The life growing inside her womb. A vision of Hera and a boy with green hair, long ears, and bright turquoise eyes.  His son. Laughing.  Smiling.  Alive.   

_There is no death, there is the Force._

Hera wouldn’t die today… and neither, truly would he.

With the last remaining ounce of his power, Kanan released his hold on the flames and shoved his beloved family out of the path of danger.

And became one with the Force.

 


End file.
